➝ Enduring the Unexpected Life
To My Dearest Reader,
I'm Janel Guevara, the editor-in-chief and publisher.
I co-founded The Christian Woman's Page with my dear friend, Elizabeth, in 1998. From the beginning, all we wanted to do was encourage women when life was heavy and God felt very far away...
If you clicked this link, I can only imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing any hurt and confusion or disappointment. But I’m proud of you for being brave enough to keep looking for a solution. You are so much stronger and more faithful than you realize!
First, I want to let you know I prayed for you to find your way here. I pray you get the answers you want and find the support you never knew you needed. And I pray it happens very soon!
I’ve been in a place where I was ready to give up more than once. I clung to God and waited. The pain and disappointment were beyond words. Most people don’t understand that level of desperation, especially people of faith. God is supposed to be our everything, but somehow, He feels lacking. Or something’s missing.
Second, your life doesn’t have to stay this way. I won’t tell you to do better, try again, have more faith, just keep praying, or wait and let God work a miracle. We both know that none of it produces the relief we seek. I’m sure you’ve lost count of how many people have already said those things to you—when you were honest about your situation or feelings. If you’re where I was, I’m sure you’ve lost something waiting on God.
What I learned is that sometimes what we think requires a spiritual answer or a miracle to change our situation by Divine Intervention… actually needs a perspective shift before God can show up for us.
I want to tell you my story. It’s long, but I promise there’s a lesson in it. I've included support at the end. If you'd prefer to skip to the support, please do.
Skip to the Support
Making a change is scary. Not having the support you need is terrifying. It's a good thing that God does His best work when life is messiest.
When your world becomes a living nightmare, there are so many questions that hang in the air without answers. There's even more fear and panic. If you feel alone with no one you can trust, please know that there is help available. You just have to know where to find it. And reach out when you're ready.
I've gathered a few resources to support you along the way. This list is nowhere near exhaustive. It's simply a place to start:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Free. Confidential. 24/7.
Call: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: Text START to 88788
or chat live on their website
I used to think that domestic violence was what we saw in movies from the 1980s. Hitting, yelling obesities, throwing things. Because I never experienced that kind of abuse, I didn't think the Domestic Violence Hotline had anything for me. I was very wrong.
They have extensive explanations and lists of what abuse is and can be. There are details of things to look for, but more importantly, they offers ideas on how to take your next step. There are also people there trained to listen and support you.
It blew my mind when I finally realized that calm phrases like, "If you were really a godly, Christian wife, you would..." is just as abusive as someone shouting, "You're a stupid, fat b!tch who can't do anything right." Both try to take control by shaming their victim. The delivery is different but long-term damage is the same.
If you do nothing else, please visit the site and create a Personal Safety Plan until you are ready to decide what your next step might be.
Wilderness to WILD
Abuse doesn’t always look like you expect.
I stumbled on Sarah McDugal about five years ago while looking for recovery resources. Her explanations gave me words to understand what I lived through. That helped me find the information I needed.
Sarah and her partner, Bren, work specifically with Christian women who are experiencing abuse rooted in religious teaching that doesn't always feel like abuse. The most recognizable sign is confusion. Something isn't right, but you can't put your finger on it.
They offer a completely free course called "Is This Abuse?" It's educational and won't pressure you into making a decision to confront, label, or disclose anything you're not ready to face. It merely gives you clarity to make informed decisions.
Sarah also built an app called TraumaMAMAs. You can find it in both the APP store and Google PLAY. She offers practical advice and provides contact information for international organizations to help women outside of the United States. For a monthly fee, there are additional resources, coaching, and community for survivors.
Life-Saving Divorce
Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships
Gretchen Baskerville works with "Christian women and men who find themselves married to serial cheaters, sexually immoral spouses, or physically or emotionally or verbally abusive spouses. They tried to fix their marriage. They prayed. They forgave. They got counseling. They attended marriage intensives. They talked to their pastor, but nothing changed."
When a Christian marriage is imploding, someone always brings up the Malachi passage and reminds us that "God hates divorces." For years, the thought of disappointing God shamed me into silence and staying. It was refreshing to finally take a deep breath and learn those verses are used wildly out of context... mostly by abusers who don't want their victims to get brave enough to leave.
Gretchen has an extensive list of resources that includes books, websites, hotlines, podcasts, blogs, and survivor stories to find help for almost any issue a Christian woman might face. She shares her story and explains why she wrote her book, The Life-Saving Divorce. She also offers a free Facebook group.
