To My Dearest Reader, Ὧ

I'm Janel Guevara, the editor-in-chief and publisher.

I co-founded The Christian Woman's Page with my dear friend, Elizabeth. From the beginning, all we wanted to do was encourage women when life was heavy and God felt very far away... When we started, I had no idea how much I needed the content we were publishing.

If you clicked this link, I can only imagine what you might be going through. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing any hurt and confusion, disappointment or betrayal. But I’m proud of you for being brave enough to keep looking for a solution. You are so much stronger than you realize!

First, I want to let you know I prayed for you to find your way here. I pray you get answers that will help and support you in ways you never knew you needed. And I pray it happens very soon!

I also want to tell you my story and share a bit of what I learned. I understand if you just need in resources. You can click the red button below that says "Skip to the Support" and look there right now. Otherwise, I invite you to keep reading.

Marriage can be difficult at times, but it isn't supposed to be soul-destroying. Ὧ

I won’t sugar coat it. My first marriage was a nightmare. I stayed for twenty-two years because I knew God could do a miracle. No question. I have that kind of faith. I've watched Him pull off bigger marvels than fixing a difficult relationship.

I prayed and waited. And waited and prayed. It turns out, the miracle I got was escaping safely with a minimal amount of hassle. Except for a few hostile emails, he washed his hands of the kids and I, and walked away. Not every woman is that lucky.

I thought I was marrying a man who loved Jesus and wanted to break toxic generational cycles. He said so! We talked of giving our children a better spiritual upbringing and life than we had. That wasn't the case.

Instead of freedom and love, the kids and I walked on eggshells and ducked for cover at every opportunity. My ex was always quick to let me know how disappointed he was in me. Well, unless someone outside the family praised me for a visible project I completed. Then he took as much credit as possible for being "so supportive" of me, despite months of furiously criticizing whatever I had been working on.

Nothing I did with the children was enough for him. Even if I did what he told me, it was "wrong" in some way. The final blow was when he informed me that I "completely ruined the kids." Yet, everywhere we went, strangers praised them for their manners and their willingness to help. Three out of four of them graduated high school with college credits, and the youngest two graduated with honors and a 4.0 after I was fully responsible for their education. The only thing ruined was their childhood and mental health from living in such a toxic environment.

For more than fifteen years, I thought I was the problem. I accepted that I was the problem. If I could only learn more Scripture, submit more, obey more, listen more, get more organized, or cook healthier meals it would fix his complaints and heal our marriage. I lost count of the books I read to help me learn how to get closer to God and be a better Christian, Proverbs 31 wife, and godly mother.

The problem was: I wasn't the problem. I was just an exhausted mom held to impossible standards, while the man complaining was living an adulterous, double-life for almost a decade. He was shaming me for not being "Christian enough" while breaking the Old Testament Laws he claimed to revere and fought to teach in the churches we "disfellowshipped." There are no words to explain that kind of audacity.

Most people don’t understand the level of desperation I faced trying to "fix" this problem, especially people of faith. Saving a marriage is a noble cause when the problems are merely a communication or perspective issue between people who respect each other. But marriages like I experienced are beyond saving because one of the participants refuses to self-reflect and self-correct immoral and harmful behaviors.

Yet, it was a pastor who finally made me understand the seriousness of my situation because he was brave enough to explain exactly what he had seen. Then he found me a safe house in case my ex became dangerous, emotionally supported the kids, and prayed for us like our lives depended on it. Because frankly, it did. Leaving an abusive marriage is the most dangerous time in a woman's life.

Divorcing an abuser was never on my list of grownup dreams when I met Jesus at VBS in 1978 and asked Him to be my forever friend. If I hadn't felt the presence of God in my life every day since, I would have completely walked away from Christianity. Instead, I deconstructed every aspect of my life and faith to salvage my relationship with God, so I could finally understand what happened and why He was so silent for so long.

As a teen, I was taught the best way to be a Christian woman was to find a godly man, marry and raise children with faith in the Lord. I focused my high school studies on the Bible, learning what I felt I needed for homemaking, and furthering my education in health and natural medicine. I was committed to serving the Lord and waiting on God to send a husband at the right time. Unfortunately, that's not the only option or example Scripture offers.

So, I was married at twenty to a man I thought loved God and valued the same things I did. I got pregnant almost immediately and experienced dreadful morning sickness, to the point I lost over 20 pounds in the space of several weeks because I wasn't able to eat. Instead of support or nurture, he actually blamed me for being sick. He reasoned some herbal tea and a "healthy meal" would fix it, yet, he never offered to make either. That should have been a red flag, but it wasn't because I was taught it was my responsibility to take care of everything and serve an able-bodied man, even when I was horribly ill.

Despite what some have taught, if a Christian marriage is in trouble, it's not automatically the wife's fault.

When you live in an environment like I experienced, God is supposed to be our everything, but somehow, He begins to feel lacking when answers to prayer never arrive. Or like something’s missing. It never helped when people pointed to passages in the Bible that are suppose to magically fix the issue when you recite them, or some nonsense. Sitting here, right now, writing this... I understand why people become atheists. They feel like God failed them. I get it.

I’ve been in a place where I was ready to give up more than once. Dozens of times, actually. But I stuck it out, clung to God, and waited even though the pain and disappointment were beyond words. Step-by-step He made sure the right people came into my path, even when it didn't seem like it. The day I finally drove away, with my van and U-Haul packed, was one of the best days of my adult life. And I knew God got me there.

The first time I saw my sister-in-law, she hugged me and said, "I've never been so happy to see someone get divorced." After watching two women dear to me experience the same thing, I agree. We need to stop trying to save marriages that are hurting women and children in the name of Jesus. We need to help them to safety. You may need help finding safety.

If you resonate with my story, your life doesn’t have to stay in chaos.

You won’t hear me tell you to do better, try again, have more faith, just keep praying, or wait and let God work a miracle. We both know that none of it produces the relief we desperately need. I’m sure you’ve lost count of how many people have already said those things to you—when you were honest about your situation or feelings. If you’re where I was, I’m sure you’ve lost something waiting on God.

I lost twenty-two years of my life. Yes, I learned lessons and gained wisdom, blah blah blah. I also have the health issues that result from decades of complex trauma. The trade-off is rough.

Sometimes, what we think requires a spiritual answer or a miracle to change our situation by Divine Intervention… actually needs a perspective shift before God can show up for us. Do not be afraid to question God, what you've been taught, or who's saying it and why. Take a look at the dissenting opinion. A few years before my divorce, I decided if God isn't big enough to handle my questions and anger, He's not big enough to be who He says He is.

Whatever you do next, make sure you are safe. I can't stress that enough. The resources I've assembled below can help you find exactly what you need. Don't be afraid to contact them.

With much love and so many prayers,
Janel Guevara Ὧ